Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
