How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
