Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
