I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
