This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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