just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
