he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
