my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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