Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
