chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He felt like a one man threesome
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
