I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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