I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sorry about my life...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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