Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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