I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
