So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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