If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
