who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
