i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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