i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
