I swear she didn't look like that last week.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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