Rock
Scissors
Fuck
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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