nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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