Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
