I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
