i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
