your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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