I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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