I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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