I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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