Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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