dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
