you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
