Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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