Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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