She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
