I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
