How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize