Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
