i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
