last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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