The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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