never play flip cup with pint glasses
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
