so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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