i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
