I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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