HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
