dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
