This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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