I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
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