You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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