Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
