come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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