i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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