All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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