I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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