I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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