remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
