I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
