The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
