If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Damn victory sex feels great
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
