he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
