Duck Duck Cougar?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
