Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
