I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
