I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
