It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
