my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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