Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
