why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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